20th Feb 2013 In the middle of the cold night

I’m currently in a Relationship. I don’t feel happy. I feel that she is too young and doesn’t meet my standards. I roughy know what I should do but I can’t commit to it. Perhaps that’s due to the fact that I am not sure how my heart really thinks.

Haha and there I was talking about assertiveness  3 days ago. Face palm to the max.. No shit!

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19th Feb 13 – Day 1 of assertiveness (Thoughts and points of improvement)


Being assertive isn’t as easy as it seems to be.

Its like you have to constantly keep your brain cells concentrated on the fact that you have to be assertive and hence making it less effective as it reduces the quality of desired results.

Yesterday POINT NUMBER 2 i wanted to keep the habit of assertiveness in my core. I realized i didn’t work on it today. What i did was only putting assertiveness on the outside and hoping that somehow and way the unicorns would appear.

Points to note and correct: 1. Work on core 2, Understand that im trying to build a habit and it takes constant effort and time.

Million dollar question: How do it work on the core?! – Understanding on my mindsets and values and why do i need to be assertive and why it should be in my values.

Side note: Understanding how to add new value into my beliefs and mindset


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18 Feb 13 – The fucking shit

A sudden urge to setup a blog to write about my thoughts at this point of time.

I feel so lost. I feel like I have to switch personalities when I’m at my workplace. People constant trying to amog and put you down. It feels like if I cannot even put my guard down for a second.  I am in no places to judge but working with loser seniors that seriously have no concrete substances or whatsoever. They have a career of I don’t know how many years and the thing that they have gotten out of is how to wayang and stab people down for their conveniences?! Putting things that is not true to get what they want. But I guess that’s human nature. Prey on the weak.Survival of the fittest.

Do not get me wrong. I do acknowledge that I am at fault as well for showing signs of weakness and hence they are able to get me.

I lack assertiveness to demand what I want and I need to change that. I will demand what I want and my values to protect and not turn into one of them. Fake, hypocrites and living like a zombie.

Things to change: assertiveness.Make a decision and go with it. Stand tall and smart and boom!!

How to change: 1. Constant conscious effort 2. Changing my mindset and working from my core and beliefs. Be a fucking drifter in office(i know its immature haha ) but never in my life and future.

Adding to my goals list: for a week consciously keep awareness and be assertive.

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